Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Monkeyboy » Sat Aug 25, 2018 9:19 am

phatj wrote:
702 wrote:
phatj wrote:Today I went on a four-building, seven-bathroom magical quest for an unoccupied #$!&@

How were that many people #$!&@ at once. sheesh.

Most of the bathrooms have two stalls or only one.


This is like the opposite of what happened to me tonight. I was doing campus roaming as my weekend duty and I was responsible for walking around the whole campus looking for students smoking or having sex or whatnot. I suddenly had the urge to go and realized that I had my choice of at least 37 boys bathrooms, and almost certainly they were all unoccupied. I chose top floor of the middle tower in the secondary building because I like symmetry and figured the top floor was the least likely to have visitors.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Uncle Milty » Sat Aug 25, 2018 9:30 am

The only joy in public pooping is sharing it with others.
Drunk and stupid is no way to be remembered but it is an easy way to forget.

But I took them away from all that. Now they work for me.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Phred » Mon Aug 27, 2018 7:39 am

Uncle Milty wrote:The only joy in public pooping is sharing it with others.


Well...sharing and the feeling of lightness you get after a good, solid poop.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby TenuredVulture » Wed Oct 03, 2018 4:19 pm

I had an unusually satisfying PM BM.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby WheelsFellOff » Wed Oct 03, 2018 6:27 pm

Mouth full of mei fun + sneeze = an exciting round of find the noodle chunk :q
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby ReadingPhilly » Wed Oct 03, 2018 6:32 pm

Well i hope it didn’t end up there
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby phatj » Thu Oct 11, 2018 1:32 pm

Had my third liquid poop of the day, with rumblings of unfinished business. Yet I feel fine, aside from a little chafing.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Rev_Beezer » Mon Oct 15, 2018 10:50 am

Here ya go, people:

I was on my way down I-77 this weekend for a wedding. On my way down, I decided to stop and see something that I had known had been in Charlotte for years, a comic shop called Heroes Aren't Hard to Find with a cool Doctor Octopus statue that overlooks the whole store. I told my wife I wanted to do this, and she said that this was alright.

Right after that, I stopped by Bojangles for some Cajun biscuits. One for me, one for the wife, my kid was in the back seat sleeping, so he was out. I ate mine, and my wife decides that she doesn't want hers, so I eat that too.

The problem? I'm on metformin for Type 2 Diabetes (yeah, shouldn't have been at Bojangles, but I was craving them). If I eat like that, I tend to have to #$!&@ pretty badly.
We turned off of I-77 to go to my shop, and the urge to #$!&@ came suddenly and with much aggression. My colon was screaming out with the force of a thousand suns. All had to vacate the premises immediately. However, we were at an intersection with an inoperable traffic light and a local officer was conducting the flow of traffic. My colon was trying to conduct the flow of #$!&@, and I was intent on stopping it. I was thinking to myself, "no, colon! I am in control here! You are the body part! I am the owner of the body!"

Finally, the cop let us go and I started towards the shop. I then ended up stopped behind a school bus while a middle school is letting out for the afternoon. There was a church nearby, and in my home area, some churches are open all the time. I was really, really hoping this might be the case, and the urge was climbing and I couldn't stop it, so I had to make a hail mary effort and at least see if it was an option.
I park next to the church, and it is locked. Two doors down to the church is some building labeled an actor's studio. They seem to have a back yard that is secluded. I needed to go somewhere because the #$!&@ was coming, I couldn't stop it, and I didn't want to #$!&@ my pants in front of a bunch of middle school students.

I promptly ran behind a studio, and as I ran, a river of liquid #$!&@ began to expel from my asshat. I felt great shame.
My shorts were ruined. It was raining. I was miserable.

Next to the actor's studio there was a clearing of some sort and nobody could see me. I began to wallow in my shame and then thought I had to do something about this. As the rain fell on me, I thought maybe I could get the rain to somewhat wash my shorts. My underwear was destroyed and would remain at the clearing, tucked under a shrub.

I had to wash my asshat. It was that watery tan-brown #$!&@ with chunks, the kind that gets everywhere. I took my socks off and decided that they would also be casualties. I wiped my ass with my socks, left them with my underwear, and began to wash my shorts with rainwater and leaves. It worked enough to make the shorts wearable.

However, as I was doing this, mosquitos sensed the human excrement around and decided that the source of the #$!&@ would make a pretty tasty meal. As I was finishing up, I got very itchy around my legs, and yes, on my ass. They went to town on me, and as I type this I have bites up and down both legs. I look like I have some sort of skin disease. At my worst, the itching was so bad on the drive that I begged my wife to kill me. She refused.

My #$!&@ underwear and socks were abandoned in the middle of Charlotte.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby TenuredVulture » Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:00 am

Magary worthy.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby WheelsFellOff » Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:02 am

God bless your irascible colon, Rev.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby CalvinBall » Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:13 am

How was the comic store?
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Uncle Milty » Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:19 am

Pretty sure that's the actual reason the light rail is shut down and Michael is just a cover story.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Uncle Milty » Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:59 am

Wonder if there's a crime stoppers reward for this...
Drunk and stupid is no way to be remembered but it is an easy way to forget.

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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Rev_Beezer » Mon Oct 15, 2018 12:13 pm

CalvinBall wrote:How was the comic store?


It was.... okay. Good selection of current issues, lots of indie stuff. Nothing for Timmy really, so that was a little bit of a let down. When comic stores have a kids section I am a fan.

I was hoping they would have had a pair of Flash socks. My old Flash socks were the ones I wiped my butt with. Purists would love it.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby azrider » Mon Oct 15, 2018 12:22 pm

rev, if this were ancient greece, that story would undoubtedly be considered as one the great tragedies of all time. truly epic
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby WheelsFellOff » Mon Oct 15, 2018 1:14 pm

Rev_Beezer wrote:
CalvinBall wrote:How was the comic store?


It was.... okay. Good selection of current issues, lots of indie stuff. Nothing for Timmy really, so that was a little bit of a let down. When comic stores have a kids section I am a fan.

I was hoping they would have had a pair of Flash socks. My old Flash socks were the ones I wiped my butt with. Purists would love it.

Barry Allen or Wally West?
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Phred » Mon Oct 15, 2018 1:59 pm

OMG...I know and have been to that shop many times.

Also, my son is an actor and I think that I know exactly where this took place. The next time I am there, I will be on the look out for some Flash socks and make sure to steer plenty clear of them.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Slowhand » Mon Oct 15, 2018 3:35 pm

Phred wrote:OMG...I know and have been to that shop many times.

Also, my son is an actor and I think that I know exactly where this took place. The next time I am there, I will be on the look out for some Flash socks and make sure to steer plenty clear of them.


Take a picture instead.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Rev_Beezer » Tue Oct 16, 2018 4:24 pm

WheelsFellOff wrote:
Rev_Beezer wrote:
CalvinBall wrote:How was the comic store?


It was.... okay. Good selection of current issues, lots of indie stuff. Nothing for Timmy really, so that was a little bit of a let down. When comic stores have a kids section I am a fan.

I was hoping they would have had a pair of Flash socks. My old Flash socks were the ones I wiped my butt with. Purists would love it.

Barry Allen or Wally West?


The socks were definitely a Barry pattern, but I'm a Wally fan. I can't do most of DC's stuff anymore until I know they're doing right by his character.
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Re: Post or get off the Random Thoughs - Rolling Poop Thread

Postby Rev_Beezer » Tue Oct 16, 2018 4:27 pm

So I found the location of my Flash socks and underwear:

1208 E 10th St, Charlotte, NC 28204

Should I call them and ask if they'll mail them to me?
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